Rachel's Insights: "What a journey!"

Wow. This process is seriously a never-ending journey for me. Just when I feel I've unlocked something in the character, something else pops up as a result. For instance, I really started to get a handle on the despair of infertility so that I could live truthfully in each moment. However, then it became apparent that I was missing the complete joy of the beginning, when Pam and Nick believe they ARE pregnant after two years of trying. This realization caused my research to take a different turn--from searching the frustration and heartbreak of infertility to unlocking the joys and ecstasy of pregnancy. Now, after the run from last night (which was extremely exciting, as well as revealing), we realized that I need to temper the level of the outward expression of emotion.

Here's the thing: I'm 23; Pam is 30. As a 23-year-old, if I feel something, I bare it completely. Pam's been wounded more; scars have been built up and she is tired. The emotion is still there and just as deep, but she's not going to put her entire body into expressing that emotion--not only because of her age, but also because of the ordeal she and Nick have to go through. When Pam opens herself up to Nick at the end, she's spent. Completely--emotionally, physically, mentally. She's done. The run-through really was an eye-opening experience. I can't wait for the chance to do it again tonight!

Another exciting thing: the costumes are rolling in!! One of the key elements for me is putting on those costumes; sometimes I never quite sink into a character's body until I put on their clothes. It might sound silly, but clothing effects the way you walk, the way you sit, the way you want others to see you, etc. They not only effect the body of a character, but are quite telling of the character's personality.