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Thursday, January 24, 2008

Rachel's Insights: "Infertility is truly tragic."

Infertility is truly tragic.

Recently, I’ve been delving into extensive character research and development. I have such a heart for Pam’s story, and I want to lift her and Nick up as truthfully as possible, yet I realize I do not hold the resources inside myself alone to do so. Since my mother dealt with a number of miscarriages before she had me, I turned to her for any insights—emotional, physical, etc. She has proven to be a useful and honest outlet. I’ve also been going onto infertility support blogs/message boards. Sometimes reading these posts—or dealing with the reality of what Pam had to go through—hits me to my core. In my gut. It’s horrendous—the things these people have to go through, when all your life it’s almost a given: You grow up, get married, and have kids. One woman said something to the effect of (keep in mind, I’m paraphrasing), “I did everything right. I played by the rules of life. I feel like my body is playing a cruel joke on me.”

That statement hit the nail on the head, as far as Pam is concerned ... I would say especially where Pam is concerned. Pam is a team player--a person who plays by the rules of the game, and therefore usually sees results. She is an excellent athlete and has experienced great success in life, except in the baby race. Another thing the women keep saying over and over again is how difficult and painful it is to see other women get pregnant so easily. One woman commented on how she can’t even see a baby on TV without bursting into tears. It made me wonder last night (as we staged the finale of the show) how Pam would truthfully react to seeing Lizzie's baby. Honestly, if I were Pam, I don't know if I could handle it. Yet then there is that part of her that wants to support others, and I also believe Pam is stronger than me in many regards. Still, I think it would be a battle that she would keep to herself-- the battle of getting over herself and her tragedy to be there for Lizzie.

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